Articles

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A sermon about forgiveness included a video of children recalling hurtful things done by classmates: “she called me a baby, he excluded me, he cut in front of me in line, he made fun of my looks, she said bad things about my family, they called me names. . .” 

As they spoke, each one wrote the offense in chalk on a blackboard. Then each child said “I forgave them” while erasing the offense they had written. The sermon cited well known scriptures and parables, including Matthew 18:22 where Jesus said we must forgive 70x7. The sermon said we must release the person "instantly, completely, and repeatedly." 

The sermon was familiar in what it included. It was equally familiar in what it excluded. I call it the CARE factor. Caution, Accountability, Restoration, and Encouragement.

While classroom offenses like name-calling may be easily simplified in a 30-minute sermon; what if these are the offenses:  “They stole my life savings in an investment scheme, he crippled my daughter, he raped me, she beat my elderly mother, he had sex with boys in the church,  she embezzled church money, he committed incest with our children, she murdered my father.”

The problem with most sermons on forgiveness is not that they are inaccurate. It’s that they are incomplete. The Bible requires persons to be accountable for their behavior. Look at these scriptures: 

• Galatians 6:1-5 caught in a trespass, restore, 
• James 1:6 confess your sins one to another
• Luke 17:3 brother sins, rebuke him
• 1 Timothy 3:1-5 pastor must be above reproach
• Luke 12:48 requirements of leaders
• Matthew 18:17 excommunicate the unrepentant 

Forgiveness is only the beginning of the process. CARE is the conclusion. So, let’s examine my CARE acronym:

Caution – Even though you should forgive, that does not mean you should not guard against further harm, notify police, or take civil action. You can and should make sure you and your family are safe and that your environment is protected from the person’s past and possible future actions. Here are some examples: 

• Someone who steals should not immediately be trusted with money or valuables 
• An adulterer should be subjected to medical scrutiny and counseling to address physical and emotional impacts to their spouse.
• A church intercessor who reveals secrets should be removed from positions of trust
• A person who has violated the law in any way (including domestic violence) should be reported to authorities. This is not revenge, it is a moral obligation and, in some cases, a legal requirement. The church often omits this important detail when preaching forgiveness.

Accountability –  This should not necessarily precede forgiveness but should definitely follow forgiveness. Without accountability, there is no real consequence to a person’s wrong actions, and without consequences, there is a high likelihood that the behavior will be repeated. Applying forgiveness alone is like putting a Band-Aid on a severed artery. The Bible makes clear that forgiveness and accountability go hand in hand.

Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. James 5:16

It’s not always possible to have accountability, as the offender may be a passing stranger or a former associate. But when the offender is a spouse, close relative, co-worker, church leader or member;  there are methods to facilitate accountability. For example:

• A person who has stolen should be asked to apologize privately and to repay, at least part, either by cash or charitable service.
• A church member who falsely maligns another should be lovingly admonished by church leadership. This is a Biblical mandate that is often overshadowed by the forgiveness message.
• An adulterous spouse should apologize, explain whether it was one-time or chronic, and have pastoral oversight or secular therapy.
• An abusive spouse should face church discipline and possibly legal consequences. 

"If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” Luke 17:3

Restoration - Without a plan of restoration, especially for clergy and secular leaders, there is no standard for followers.

• The offender should be required to understand the offense, and possibly make restitution as noted in Leviticus 6:1–7. Although these were guidelines for early Jews, the moral implications are still relevant.
• God and civil justice are not mutually exclusive (Romans 13:1–7) and forgiveness does not necessarily imply lack of consequences.

Encouragement -  Lastly, both the offended and the offender need support. “Therefore, encourage (edify) each other and build each other just as you are doing.” (1Thessalonians 5:11). Many times, we fail to realize that even the offending person needs our concern. People who hurt others very often do so as a result of their own pain. Remember the adage “hurt people hurt people.”

• If possible, forgiveness should be complemented by asking the offender what caused their action. Was it due to depression, ego, alcohol or drugs, financial desperation, past trauma, sexual addiction, or was it simply a misunderstanding? 
• Just as Jesus ministered to hurting people, it’s important for us to help all hurting people, even those who have hurt others.

Whenever you think of forgiveness, don’t forget that is just the beginning of healing, and if you preach a sermon on forgiveness, please do so with CARE.